


Honesty and Realizations

by wuwu



Series: Exploring Us [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort, Coming Out, Kissing, M/M, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, trans MC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 23:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10449771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wuwu/pseuds/wuwu
Summary: Finally, Zen is able to meet MC, the girl he's been interested in ever since she joined the RFA. However, when she comes to visit him, he can clearly see that any perceptions he's held before are now irrefutably false.





	

**Author's Note:**

> whats upp this takes place on day 7 of zens route when mc first visits his house !

There’s no time to waste as he brings out a couple of rags and cleaning sprays, rolling up his pant legs and crawling around carefully, maneuvering around his minimal furniture. He’s already changed into a short sleeve shirt, not wanting to be seen in sweaty clothes when MC comes to visit for the first time. His coat is hanging on the rack near his door, waiting for him to finish cleaning so it can be worn once again like a second skin.

Making sure not to injure his ankle even more, Zen does his best to wipe down tables and counters as best he can, putting away script copies and organizing books that were left lying around. He wouldn’t want his girl to think he lived in a pigsty, after all.

After quite an ordeal cleaning his house, a simple task made infuriating by his injured ankle, Zen quickly hurries to his room to wash his face and spray on cologne. He changes back into a turtleneck that he has laying on his bed before going back to the living room and putting on his coat, buttoning it up with practiced movements. The giddiness he feels can be expressed through his actions, for his fingers shake with excitement and his steps linger on his toes longer than usual. Finally, he plops himself down on the couch, knee bouncing with anticipation as he waits another couple of minutes.

Eventually, the ringing of the doorbell echoes throughout the house, chiming heartily as it reverberates off of the underground walls. Zen jumps up and vaults over his couch to stand in front of the door, waiting a few seconds before opening so as not to seem desperate. He sucks in a breath of air and quickly exhales, eyes wide and smile poised as he wraps his hand around the doorknob and pulls.

Except, his soon-to-be-girlfriend isn’t standing there. Instead there’s a very short guy with a mop of brown hair, a loose long sleeve shirt, and skinny jeans that stick out of oversized high-tops. He has a backpack on, hands clutching the straps where they overlap his chest, and he looks up with an expression of amazement. (That’s to be expected from anyone, of course.)

Zen’s grin falls as he cocks his head to the side, taking a step back.

“Can I help you?” He asks. Maybe this is one of his fans stopping by for a visit or dropping off a gift for him. Though, there’s no holidays coming up and his birthday passed a few months ago…

“Ah, hello, Zen,” he nods. There’s a faint flush to his cheeks as he stares up, rocking back on his heels.

“I appreciate the visit,” Zen says, smile put back into place as he takes on a warm tone. “But, I’m actually waiting for a friend of mine, so I’m going to have to cut our meeting short.” He responds with ease to the fan, welcoming and kind. Despite the circumstances, he can’t bring himself to be annoyed. After all, he relies greatly on his audience, and he’d hate to turn them away when all they’ve shown him was kindness.

“Actually, I’m not a fan,” he says. Zen quirks a brow. “Okay, wait, I  _ am  _ a fan, b-but that’s not why I’m here!” He stammers as he speaks, looking off to stare at the door frame rather than meet his eyes.

“And what would the reason for your visit be?”

“I’m here to t-take care of you!” He proclaims. “It’s m-me… MC.” The boy’s eyes shut and drop as he lowers his head, brown locks falling into place as he waits for a response.

“Did Jumin send you?” Zen asks. “You don’t have to play along with that bastard, no matter how much money he pays you. Go on home and do something productive, hmm?” He moves to shut the door on the stranger, ready to sit and wait for a useful visit, but a foot in his doorway stops it from closing all the way.

“Jumin did send me,” he exclaims. “You know that. I told you in the messenger. But, this isn’t a joke. I’m really MC.” His hand is spread on the door, desperate to keep it open long enough for Zen to believe him.

Rather than stand around and debate, Zen pulls the boy inside and quickly shuts the door behind him, locking it with ease. He drags him by the arm over to his couch, telling him to sit while he goes around and closes the blinds to his window. When he turns back around, the boy, MC, sits with his backpack in his lap, arms wrapped around it as he interlaces his fingers.

“I’m sorry,” MC blurts out. “I didn’t mean to lie. Especially not to you.” His gaze lowers to stare at his knees, now bouncing with anxiety.

“What do you mean by lie?” Zen presses. He walks in front of MC, standing in front of him with his arms crossed. He attempts to look at least somewhat aggressive, but just the thought of being upset with his darling MC, even if he  _ is  _ male, causes a wave of guilt to wash over him.

“Well, when you guys first welcomed me, you all assumed that I was a girl,” MC clarifies. “I tried to tell you guys that I wasn’t a girl, but nobody would listen! And it didn’t help that Seven said I was a girl, too.” He looks up to Zen, grip loosening on his bag. “You’ve gotta believe me.”

“Seven doesn’t mess up on anything,” Zen retorts. “So why would he mess up on something so trivial?”

“He, well… God,” MC groans.  Zen feels a bit sorry for him, watching him bring his hands up to thread his fingers in his hair. “He wasn’t exactly wrong, you see…”

Okay, this guy has got to be messing with him.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Zen huffs. “What, do you have a twin or something?” He taps his foot impatiently, but the weight that shifts over onto his bad ankle makes him wince. MC moves to get up and help, but he holds his palm out to stop him as he straightens himself up on his own.

“Look, I’m only telling you this because I really, really care about you,” MC says apologetically. “And I don’t want to harbor any secrets from you.” He lets out a sigh and stretches out his hands, fingers extending and pulling back rhythmically. “I was never born a boy. I… I’m transgender.”

“Huh?” Zen furrows his brows, seemingly perplexed by the situation at hand. He watches MC, eyes squinting as he tries to decipher any sort of lie or joke that he can find. As the seconds drag on, gaze unrelenting as MC cowers before him, he finally softens. “Are you serious?”

MC nods furiously, shoulders hunched. Pulling out his phone, he quickly unlocks the device and signs in to the messenger, handing Zen his phone so he can go through it as he pleases. “Look, you can see that I have the messenger,” he explains. “I’ve got our chats logged, our messages are there, and you can even see that I’ve been emailing potential guests! I’m really MC.”

Sure enough, as Zen scrolls through old chats, reads their shared text messages, and glances over his inbox, he can confirm that the boy in front of him really is MC. He can see that he’s only called Seven by going through the phone history, and by seeing the most recent text message from the hacker, he can also see a message of encouragement.

God, he feels like an asshole.

Zen clicks the screen off and goes to sit on the couch, gently placing the phone on the coffee table as he runs his fingers through his hair. He sits hunched over; ignoring the worried look MC gives him, and instead focuses on not laughing. This is absolutely ridiculous.

Not because MC is trans, he doesn’t mind that, but because he’s fallen in love with a  _ male _ . Zen, musical actor, lady whisperer extraordinaire, has fallen head over heels for someone of the same gender. He can’t deny that he isn’t in love. No, he’s too far gone already, already dreamt of their future wedding and honeymoon and vacations to come. He’s dreamt of a faceless woman to be his other half, and now he can’t help but substitute her for the person in front of him.

He spares a glance back to MC, frowning at his guilty expression.

There’s no denying that the boy is cute. His hair, short and tousled, is a nice shade of brown and frames his face perfectly, accentuating his soft, rounded cheeks and bringing out the doe-like nature of his coffee tinted eyes. His shoulders are narrow, his torso curves in just slightly, and his frame is the very definition of petite. Zen looks down at his hand, watching small fingers painted a light pink tap together. He’s not entirely feminine, though, for one can easily see the way his cheeks slope down and end with a sharp jawline as well as hear just how low his voice drops, unmistakably masculine.

“I’m sorry,” MC repeats. “We don’t have to take things further. But, for now, I’ll help you cook and clean and then I’ll be on my way.” He gives a jerky nod before unzipping his back, sifting through the contents for something useful.

_ He really is cute,  _ Zen thinks. What with the way he pokes his tongue out a bit in concentration. He’s ready to be kicked out any second, yet a smile makes its way back onto his face, content with simply being here and not expecting anything more. His optimistic outlook really is admirable. After all, it is one of the traits that Zen had fallen in love with not too long ago. He’d been enamored with MC’s joy and enthusiasm, absolutely enthralled with the way he would greet him excitedly and do his best to support Zen through his depressive episode.

Even though he’s never seen the face that belonged to MC, he’d always been in love. Granted, he thought he loved a woman, but it was love all the same. He didn’t know how MC would look in person, nor did he care. He only wanted someone who loved him and someone that he could love back just as much.

“No, no,” Zen quickly shakes his head. “Stop, please.” MC freezes at his words, grin replaced with a look of melancholy.

“D-do you want me to leave?” He asks, hands going limp inside his bag.

“You can stay,” Zen assures him, “But I just want to apologize. For my behavior, that is.” He offers a peaceful smile, waiting for MC to put his guard down. It takes a few seconds for the boy to relax, shoulders sloping down as he looks up at Zen with a wary gaze. “I shouldn’t have been so rude to you, whether we’re friends or not. It was… uncalled for.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” MC interrupts. “Believe me; you had every right to be suspicious. Not only am I kind of a stranger, but I’m also not what you were expecting. Haha…” He trails off in a quiet laugh, gaze not quite meeting Zen’s own line of sight.

“Please, just listen,” Zen says, voice just above a whisper. MC bites his lip to keep from talking, waiting for Zen to continue to fill in the silence. “There’s no reason for me to be so rude to someone as cute as you.” Zen smiles and takes pride in the way MC’s cheeks flush, giving him a warm look as he speaks. “I don’t mind that you’re not a girl. I’ve realized that that’s not something that I need to really care about, because at the end of the day, you’ll always be the wonderful person I’ve been talking to this whole time. And, if you’ll have me, I’d love to continue being by your side from here on out.”

It takes a few seconds for MC to fully absorb his words, but once he’s realized the implications to Zen’s statement, there’s no stopping the tears that boil over and rush down his face. He sniffles and wipes at his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, shoulders hiccuping as he lets out small bursts of laughter. Zen can only watch in surprised, arms reaching out to comfort him but unsure how to do so.

“S-sorry,” Zen says instead. “If you hate me, that’s ok! I mean, I don’t  _ want  _ you to dislike me, but you have all the reason to!”

“That’s not it,” MC cries out. “You’re just too sweet for your own good.” He furiously rubs at his eyes and nose, waiting to make himself look presentable. Despite his tribulations, he can’t help the way his heart skips a beat at the sight of tears still stuck to MC’s lashes like dew on a morning day. “You don’t need to do this for me.”

“It’s not like I’m going out of my way,” Zen comments. “You deserve to be treated well… Besides, I wouldn’t mind going out of my way for someone as special as you.” He gives a playful wink and laughs at the way MC throws his head back and covers his face. Zen scoots a bit closer while his eyes are covered, trying to close the distance between them as much as possible without being overbearing.

“You’re terrible,” MC groans. “Absolutely terrible!” He’s laughing, shoulders bobbing with affection rather than nerves, and Zen absolutely melts at the sound of his muffled enthusiasm.

“I hope you do know that I’m serious,” Zen says, wanting to get his thoughts out before he can bother with more flowery lines. “I’m serious about you. About  _ us _ . I want to stay by your side as someone you can love. No matter who you are, no matter who you turn out to be, you’ll always be the beautiful MC I’ve talked to. You’ll always be the person I fell in love with.” He turns his head away, staring at his blurred reflection in the TV that’s currently shut off. “And maybe a relationship like…  _ this  _ would need some getting used to, but I want to try. I want to be there for you just as you’ve been there for me. There’s nothing I want more than to make you happy, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.” He sits for a few moments, sucking in a breath of air before it’s pushed back out of him from the force of MC colliding into him, arms thrown around his neck in a sloppy hug.

“Thank you,” MC whispers. His voice, soft and wavering, cracks with emotion and comes out breathy in Zen’s ear. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

Zen wraps his arms around MC, fingers squeezing at his torso as he buries his face in his brown curls. A faint trace of peach radiates off of him, probably from a conditioner he uses. How cute. Zen grins and holds onto him tighter so he can lay them both down, pushing the backpack off the couch as Zen hovers above him, held up by his own arms as he stares down into the depths of MC’s eyes.. They’re both smiling, MC more teary eyed, but the relief is evident.

“Now, I’m no old fashioned bastard like Jumin,” Zen starts off, “But I’ve gotta make this official. Just so we’re both on the same page, yeah?” MC nods in agreement. “Will you be my boyfriend?” Just saying the words causes a flash of embarrassment to rush through his veins, throwing a tint of rose across his cheeks as he holds himself up, soaking in the very same flush present on MC’s cheeks.

“Of course,” he replies. “I’ll always be yours, no matter what.” He nods in agreement, slow at first before it becomes frantic with excitement. Zen’s heart swells as he hears the words leave his mouth, overcome with an unexpected peace of mind.

“God, don’t say things like that,” Zen yells out. “If you say something that personal, I only want you to tell me, okay?” MC laughs and covers his face once more. “I’m serious! If anybody else hears you, they’ll try and take you away!”

“Then you’ll come save me, right?” MC asks through his laughter. “You’re Zen the Knight, aren’t you?”

“Ah, you’re right!” Zen nods. “Don’t worry, my prince. I won’t let you out of my sights.”

MC lowers his hands from his face, waiting for a few beats before raising them back up and pulling Zen down by his cheeks. Zen ignores the way his foot starts to press painfully into the couch cushions and instead focuses on the feeling of frail fingers leaving a burning heat on his cheeks. He’s so overwhelmed by the intimacy of that one action that he doesn’t even realize their faces are growing closer and closer together until their lips meet, soft and steady. Eyes fluttering shut, Zen bends his arm and uses another hand to rest on MC’s abdomen, hiking up his sweater to rub a small circle right above his hip. He feels so warm in this position, attention fixed solely on the way MC holds his face in his hands and how fragile he feels beneath Zen.

Out of everything he’s lived through, Zen can safely admit that he never wants an experience like this to falter.

As all good things do, though, their kiss ends with a slow pull of lips and they’re face to face once more, eyes blown and lips lonely.

“Sorry,” MC mutters. “I just really couldn’t wait any longer.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Zen says. “I would’ve done the same thing pretty soon. It’s nice to know that I wasn’t the only one with these thoughts in mind.”

“Yeah?”

“If only you knew how you make me feel,” Zen whispers. He ducks his head down, moving to speak against the skin of MC’s neck. “If only you could feel the pounding of my heart, or the butterflies that build up in my stomach. If only you could see into my mind and see the mess that I’ve become under your touch. I’m absolutely enamored with you.”

“Really? Because you do the same thing to me,” MC responds, shivering as Zen lets out a puff of air through his nose, laughing with embarrassment at his statement.

“Enough of that,” Zen says. He picks his head back up and rests their foreheads together. “You’re not allowed to say cute things like that, or else I’ll really go mad.”

“You’re just a big baby,” MC teases. “If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. Besides, the stuff you’re saying is way worse!”

“Yeah, but that’s different,” Zen retaliates. “Everything you say just seems so much better.”

“Then I guess you’ve got some competition, Casanova,” MC grins. He brings a hand up to hold onto Zen’s shoulder and another to trail down his chest as far down as his position allows. That ends up being no more than halfway to his bellybutton, but still it does wonders.

“H-how about we keep our hands up here, yeah?” Zen smiles. A minute gasp escapes him as MC trails his fingers back up, the feeling nothing more than a ghosting of contact through layers of cloth.

“Ooh, are you about to  _ unleash the beast _ ?” MC jokes.

“Let’s hope we don’t find out,” Zen answers. He gives one more kiss, just a quick peck, before pulling away and sitting back up on the couch. MC sits up as well, so he pulls his arm and nestles the boy in the dip of his waist.

“I wouldn’t mind finding out…” MC shrugs.

“Haha, maybe another time,” Zen says. He wraps his arm around MC’s shoulders, making sure his boyfriend is comfortable before letting out a sigh and propping up his foot on the coffee table. He really should be in bed right now. “But what I wanna know is how Seven messed up so bad.”

“Oh,” MC mumbles. “Well… Don’t tell anyone else, okay? But he had found some pictures of me before I had transitioned… And since I hadn’t really uploaded anything of me as I am now, he hadn’t seen what I look like currently. So he just… went with what he had. But right after everyone had signed out of the chat room, he realized his mistake and apologized! He offered to correct himself the next time everyone signed in, but I told him it was fine.”

“And why would that be fine? Wouldn’t you want everyone to know you as you are?”

“I didn’t really mind it,” MC admitted. “It seemed like too much of a hassle. Besides, everyone seemed so excited that a girl had joined the RFA… and there was someone I wanted to get closer to.”

Zen perks up. “Was it me? It was, wasn’t it!” He says it as more of a statement rather than a question, but MC confirms anyway. “I’m just too handsome that nobody can resist me. Oh, the pains of being born with the face of a god…”

“You just seemed really cool… I couldn’t help myself,” he continues. “So Seven said he would keep it a secret, both me being trans and me being male. That’s the reason why I would never answer your phone calls…”

“So you weren’t really sick… That explains a lot,” Zen nods. “But really… that weirdo had to hear your voice first!” He clicks his tongue in annoyance. “From now on, you’ve gotta call me every day, okay? I want your voice to be the first thing I hear in the morning and the last thing I hear before falling asleep.”

“Then you’ve gotta call me during rehearsal breaks,” MC compromises. “It’s only fair.”

“I wouldn’t dream of anything less, my prince,” he agrees. Zen leans his head down to rest on MC’s head, enjoying the way his hair tickles at his cheek. “Are you planning on telling the other members? About how you’re a guy?”

“Ah, probably the day of the party…” MC trails off. “I won’t tell them  _ everything _ , but I’ll just brush over how Seven got some info wrong… Maybe say that he wanted to keep the misinformation going by playing some prank until the day of the party. I’m sure he’d agree.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to just be completely honest with them?”

“Not always. It’s hard being so open with people, especially people I care about. I don’t want them to think any different of me,” he mumbles. “But eventually I’ll tell them… For now, I’m fine with just telling you.”

“Are things like this usually a big deal?” Zen asks, purely out of curiosity.

“Mm… yeah, they can be. Sometimes people make them seem much worse than the outcome will actually be, but regardless of the reactions people give, it’s still something extremely personal. There’s gotta be a sense of trust there before something so intimate can be shared.”

“So you trust me?”

“I do,” MC hums. “I was nervous about telling you, but I knew I wanted to. I  _ had  _ to. You mean a lot to me, and I’d hate to be dishonest with you.”

“You really are amazing,” Zen mentions. “You’ve been dealing with this by yourself…”

“Well, I’ve been talking to Seven as well,” MC says. “He’s been helping me figure out what I should do.”

“Seven!” Zen exclaims. He raises his head and moves his leg off of the table before reaching over to grab MC’s phone. He hands it to him with a small pout. “Can you call him for me? On your phone?”

“Uh… sure,” MC says. “What for?” He types in the password and makes his way into the messenger, thumb hovering over the call button.

“I wanna talk to him, but he won’t answer if I call him on my phone,” Zen huffs. “Really, that guy… not answering probably just cause I’m not cute enough.”

MC presses the call button and hands the phone over to Zen, pinching his cheek as he does so. “You’re cute enough for me.”

Zen puts the phone on speaker and waits for the ringing to stop, holding the device between the two.

_ “Bing bong, Seven Zero Seven is unavailable at the moment. To unlock, please say the secret password!” _

“Seven, enough with the games!”

_ “Gahh! An angry Zen enters the call! So scary… I haven’t done anything wrong.” _

“Why’d you have to go and tell us MC was a girl?” Zen grumbles. “Not cool, man.”

_ “Ehh, it’s not my fault… Everyone makes mistakes… But! More importantly, are you mad? Don’t be mad at him! It’s not his fault either!” _

“No, I’m not mad at him,” Zen says. “I’m mad at you! He wouldn’t feel so nervous about telling the other members if you would’ve just gotten your facts right.”

_ “Yay!! Zen’s not mad! That’s a relief, he was really worried about what you would say… The things he said were so cute, I couldn’t help but feel bad for keeping this secret from you.” _

“And what did he say?” Zen asks, eyes wide as he waits for a response. MC sits next to him uncomfortably, fingers threading together.

_ “To unlock more secrets, you must say the secret password. And only MC knows it! Therefore, you are a poor man. Poor Zen! You have no knowledge!  _ _ Ah, but how are you two? Everything’s fine, I hope? Are you two seeing hearts and roses everywhere you look?” _

Zen rolls his eyes. “You say the weirdest things, but yes, we’re dating now. Officially. So don’t go making any moves on him, you got it?” MC snickers in his seat, already relaxed that Seven is keeping their shared conversations private.

_ “So harsh… Although MC is very cute, I wouldn’t dare ruin the dream you two have! Besides, I’m committed to my babes. I can’t cheat on them!” _

“You better not,” Zen huffs. “Or else the RFA would need a new hacker.”

_ “You’re so mean, Zen~. You’re a bully! A big bully! MC, don’t let him hurt me!” _

“Let’s leave Seven alone,” MC intervenes. “He probably has a lot of work that he should be doing.”

Nodding, Zen lets himself relax, shoulders falling and back slumping into the couch cushions. “Fine, go do your work, you slacker.”

_ “Thank you, MC. You’re a lifesaver! I’ll be off, then! Try to keep things PG-13! Seven Zero Seven, signing off~.” _

MC clicks the screen off as Seven ends the call, placing the phone back on the coffee table so he can face Zen once more. “You’re very kind,” he states. “I’m glad that you’ve taken things so well. I don’t know what I would’ve done if… if you…” Letting his sentence fade out, MC stares into his lap and shakes his head, blinking his eyes quickly before looking back up. “Whatever, there’s no use worrying about stuff that’s already passed.”

“You’re right,” Zen agrees. “And, just to reaffirm, I would do anything for you. Whether it be cooking you some extravagant meal or dropping a role to be by your side, I’ll do everything in my power to give you the treatment you deserve.”

“And I’ll do my best, too,” MC smiles. “We can support each other together. And right now, I’ve gotta help you and your nasty ankle. We can go grocery shopping, right? And I can cook you a meal!”

“Ah, a meal cooked by the best boyfriend in the world,” Zen sighs, a faraway daze in his eyes. “I’m truly in heaven.”

“Come on,” MC snorts, rolling his eyes. “And on the way, I’ll talk to you about that commercial Jumin wanted you to do.”

“Really, that guy…”

**Author's Note:**

> yea this is entirely self indulgent ,,, and written at 4 am woops
> 
> hmu w ideas for another part maybe .,, also u can reach me at amanoyuqiteru on tumblr and @jyushikos on twitt


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